"You Only Die Once, bro. I already did."

Osama bin Mohammed bin Awad bin Laden was a terrible, evil, terrifying terrorist, who was the leader of al-Qaeda. In 2001, he told some dudes to smash planes into some buildings, and they obeyed. He was best friends with Barack Obama, who intentionally kept Osama's hiding spot secret for 10 years.


He was born in Baghdad, Iraq. At age 7, he started to attend the Baghdad School for Good Little Terrorists. Once he graduated, he met his future best friend, Barack Obama (then Barack Kijinga). They plotted together and played many tricks of terrorism together on locals. Kijinga then modified Osama's name and used it as his own to try to fit in. Then the newly christened Obama went to the United States and became the governor of Illinois, while Osama founded al-Qaeda. Osama told his minions to fly Boeing 747 jet liners into different buildings in America, so George Bush tried to kill him. Obama went cave-shopping with bin Laden so he could hide. Eventually, Obama had to kill bin Laden in what would have made a great TLC drama.